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Similar Series From NoveList. Similar Titles From NoveList. Similar Authors From NoveList. Editorial Reviews. Last week, I went to see a documentary about the life of Maria Callas. If we look carefully enough, anger is everywhere.

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Spouses are angry at each other; employees angry at their bosses; teens are angry at their parents and their parents angry at them; citizens are angry at politicians. But most insidiously and importantly, many of us are angry at ourselves. Christians for example, are often perplexed with the powerful and complex emotion that is anger, because of the conflicting messages that the Bible offers.

When I enter a training room, where I often talk about self-leadership, and I mention the word anger, I start seeing the most peculiar and interesting body language around the room. This happens even more so when I ask, Who here thinks that anger is bad?


When I go onto ask, Are you an angry person? Do you know your anger? I see uncomfortable physical responses and reluctant head nods. Understanding the purpose of anger is essential to learning how to process anger in a constructive way. Anger is an emotion, and according to my own experience, it is powerful and very complex. Yes, anger can be a dangerous emotion and when it is misunderstood, repressed or used maliciously, it overrides the said useful purpose it was given to us for.

Because of its capacity to be used negatively, it has long been perceived and judged as a bad emotion, one to be controlled, resisted and suppressed. For many, the different psychological aspects of anger remain unknown. For others, they remain a blur. I choose to believe that in both cases it begins from the misunderstanding about the purpose of human anger. Since , I have counselled and coached couples and individuals, parents and young adults over many years. In almost all cases, these individuals and families struggled with their inability to acknowledge, understand and therefore claim their anger.

To these questions, I was often faced with clients looking back me curiously, fearfully, disgusted or puzzled. To beat up or oppress someone? To kill and violate the rights of other people?

Anger – The Misunderstood Emotion

To humiliate and victimise men, women and children? To unleash our unhappiness or frustration?

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  5. To cover up our fear? In fact, anger is not designed to drive us to do destructive things to the people who may have wronged us, nor does it give us license to say or do destructive things to our neighbours. We are born with anger embedded in our DNA for a positive and simple purpose: to protect us and allow us to live life fully alive and fully human… to live will and in joy.

    Anger - The Misunderstood Emotion

    It is given to us to motivate and inspire us. A loving action that will leave things better than they were before, when approached in a healthy and aware manner. When we use anger to attack we are letting anger control us and failing to master it. Fundamentally, anger is present to protect us. In this modern society, this means protecting us from our own wounds, fear and pain. This can be manifested in neurosis, obsession, possessiveness, jealousy and more. Anger is trying to protect us from ourselves and from others and their own anger.

    And also by confusion, or a mix of negative emotions within us occurring all at once, amongst which we can count anxiety, panic, guilt and shame. Also, anger can be triggered by stress on any level dimension : physical, intellectual, relational and social. Anger is also triggered by pain, we sometimes use anger to protect ourselves from our inner pain. Unfortunately, most people do not go to counselling until their mismanagement of anger has gotten them into serious trouble.

    I was moved when a few days ago, playing Padel at the beach, I encountered a situation of abuse from my male friend. I felt a sudden surge of anger upon seeing him act disrespectful and arrogant, only able to laugh and minimise what happened and how he behaved. My racket was damaged and I could have been badly hurt.

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    Still, he would not admit his wrongdoing or mistake, despite the evidence that it was unnecessary to swing into my section of the court. The two Spanish ladies playing against us witnessed it all and instead of supporting me or denouncing what had happened, they chose to remain silent and carry on playing.

    We lost the game and when we re-entered the court I clearly and calmly stated that I was feeling angry. The result?

    Anger: A Misunderstood Emotion | All the Rage

    I was able to manage my state of anger against the abuse and I went on to play pretty well, killing the expectation of my narcissistic companion. I guess he might have simply wanted to trigger the anger in me which he could not express himself. Who knows! I smiled after the game and stayed with my feeling of anger.